Anachostic

At dinner tonight, I had the opportunity to train a new employee.  Not directly, but because nothing I ever do is simple, they got to experience exceptions to the order-taking routine.  At the close of the transaction, I was going to say something to the effect of “Enjoy your employment, lucky person” but decided against it.

As I ate, I considered this a little further.  I’m (still) employed.  I’m doing ok.  But at the same time, I’m a responsible employee and a quick learner.  I could have that job!  And since I’m still employed, I’m more desirable to employers because it shows I can keep a job.  I should have that job.

But what kind of flack would I take for doing something like that?  I’d be taking jobs away from someone who really needs one.  “You already have a good job.  Stop hoarding the jobs, jerk.”  This transitioned my thinking into class warfare: the “have’s” and the “have not’s”.  I think this needs revision.  It’s the “have not’s”, the “have enough’s” and the “have more’s”.  See, I want to advance from “have enough” to “have more”.  And I could, because I’m not currently in the “have not” crowd.

But like I said, that's not really fair.  The rich get richer, as they derisively say.  I would be suppressing the “have not’s” – the class below me – from advancing to the “have enough’s”.  So, in order to spread some of the wealth, I will take that job.  And another.  And maybe another.  Then I will outsource my jobs to another person who could not get the job on their own.  Wait, it’s not really outsourcing, is it.  Insourcing?  No, not that either.  No, it’s reverse subletting.  I am going to sublet my jobs at a lower wage and take the difference as a “convenience fee”.  It works for property, why not jobs?

But as usual, I’m so far behind the times.  Of course, this is already done with day laborers, contract positions, and other temporary positions.  But those are all handled by businesses.  Businesses run by rich people.  The “have more’s”. Once again, I’m getting held back by the man.  It’s so hard to get ahead anymore.  Woe is me.

In a previous blog entry, I took a ride to a local beach, but at the time the beach was closed for renovation, to be reopened in the fall.  Well, now it’s the fall and I headed back out to see all the new and great changes that I’d nothing to previously compare to.  It was a little late in the day, partly cloudy and about 65 degrees.  I got a few blocks and decided, no, I am not going to make this trip without insulation.  So I turned around and got my riding jacket’s rain liner, which is a great wind breaker as well.

Back on track, I realized, it’s pretty cold.  But I pressed onward and I made good time because of my comfort level at higher speeds.  Maybe a little over halfway there and I noticed there were some actual clouds ahead.  If it started raining, I would be in a huge amount of trouble in this temperature.  I got under the clouds and the temp dropped even further.  But, no rain.

I made it to that park again and as fate would have it, the beach is still under construction.  So, a good 1 and a half hour ride in the cold and wind for nothing.  I need something to cheer me up.  Oh, you poor thing.  Have a donut.

Thank you, I will.  That will have to do for now.  It’s now mostly cloudy and the temperature drop I had earlier under the clouds is the new normal.  So I slipped on my 2nd pair of slightly warmer riding gloves and blasted back home.  So cold.  So tired.  So disappointed.

Today was a beach trip.  To a different beach, on a different route.  That meant (oh boy) Interstate travel: 60 minutes at 70+ mph in chaotic conditions with a good wind.  I could see that there were storms to the north and south, but I seemed pretty safe in my path.

An uneventful trip to the beach and a fairly empty parking lot.  I had just gotten off the bike and gotten to the walkway when the parking authority vehicle pulled in.  I walk back to his truck and asked if he could break a $20 for the meters.  He told me not to worry and kept right on going.  Slow day, I guess.

So I got my pictures and took a leisurely ride up and down the local roads.  Not much traffic and what was there was casual.  Stopped at a local place to have a lunch.  The sandwich was not as I would have expected.  What is the deal with sticking a huge pile of meat between slices of bread?  You can’t get your mouth around it and all you taste is meat.  There’s a balance when making a sandwich: the meat-to-bread ratio (or meat-to-bun as I originally termed it for fast food).  You don’t want the flavor of the meat to be lost in the bread, nor do you want excess in the other direction.  Some places just don’t get it.

I did bring along the Zune HD, but I didn’t get to do any Internet surfing.  All the available networks were secured, insulting, or both.

So, I guess I won’t be going back there.  I should have had the burger.

Ahhh.  I just had a great meal, and I cooked it myself.

I hear you now.  “What?  Mr. I-eat-fast-food-three-meals-a-day-and-somehow-keep-living… cooks?”  That’s right.  And on top of that, I’m good at it.  No, I’m awesome at it.  I know this because I eat what i cook, and I’m one picky bastard, so my cooking must be awesome in order to meet my standards.  Tonight it was a simple, fairly healthy meal of steak and rice.  Ok, chopped steak and rice.  Ok, it was actually hamburger and rice, only it was made so awesome it could have been steak.

Some of you might be saying, “Rice?  that’s so bland and boring.” or “I can’t eat rice, they look like maggots.”  Well, if you were eating with me, you’d be eating it because I make it right.  And I’m going to share the recipe.  There’s a special ingredient you might need to go to the store to buy, but it’s worth it.  Now, here’s the ingredient list:

• 2 cups Rice
• 1/4 stick of butter

Yeah, I know.  It’s awesome.  You people who think you have a bowl of maggots in front of you aren’t going to complain when that larvae is coated in a thick layer of butter.  And rice is boring?  Try eating my rice with chopsticks.  That’ll keep you busy.  And thanks to the wondrous power of butter, it’s awesome.

Now, the entree: steak/burger/whatever.  There is a special art to seasoning beef before cooking it.  I’ve seen plenty of marinades, rubs, and spices, but I know what I like.  After all, I eat at Outback and Longhorn enough to get a taste of good seasoning.  So, here’s my custom seasoning blend for my burgers:

• Salt

If I wasn’t already employed, I’d be opening my own restaurant.  I’m saying, it’s that good.

I remember when I first moved out and had never cooked for myself before.  It could be the reason why I eat out all the time.  But anyway, I took the time and mastered the art of cooking.  All you people who say “I’ve never cooked.  I can’t even cook a burger.  Fire scares me.”  Here’s my step-by-step instructions to cooking a burger:

1. Shut up
2. Buy a George Foreman grill
3. Cook a burger

I was going to write a book on this special technique, but figured the information is better in the public domain.  If you fail to cook your burger properly, simply follow the directions again.  Pay close attention to the first step – it’s the most critical.  If you can’t get a good burger after five attempts.  Throw all your George Foreman grills away and just disregard steps 2 and 3.

I’ll have to take the time someday to explain the killer grilled cheese sandwiches I make, but I’ll close with a tip on making tea drinkable.  If you don’t like tea, it’s because you don’t have enough sugar in it.  It’s that simple.  In fact, I’ll bet you can eat concrete if you have enough butter, salt and sugar available.

Just a couple of random bike trips for food.  The first was to a place I’d not heard of before, although there are a few locations around here: Village Inn.  I hoped this would be like a King’s or Eat & Park from the northern area, but was a bit disappointed.  I tried the staple meal – burger and fries – but the burger had some seasoning or spice that wasn’t suiting me very well at all.  I could only eat a few bites of it.

It’s not all bad.  I gave up on the entree and went to dessert.  The chocolate pie was excellent and made up for most of the meal’s failure.

Then I went out to tourist country and ate at a Ponderosa.  It’s a location I’d been to before when I was not a local resident.  Interesting how differently you act towards attractions when you could go there every day…  Not that Ponderosa is an attraction, but Old Town is right there and it’s Halloween, which means they have a big push on the haunted house.

This meal I was treated to the excellent stories of a very special person behind me.  My impression is that he sees himself as some sort of consumer superhero.  As I understand the story, superboy was performing some bank transaction through the automated telephone service and answered some personal verification question wrong.  This immediately locked his account.  To resolve this, he called the bank directly.  I have no idea why, but he felt it necessary to disguise his voice, taking on the tone of an agitated old man with respiratory issues.  “Yes, this is so-an-so *cough cough hack snork* and you have locked my *cough COUGH* account with your damn computer *gag hack*.”  During this trial to get him verified, he answered all the questions correctly.  If he didn’t know one (and I’m not sure why he wouldn’t know his personal information), he would have a coughing fit to buy time.  Using typical hyperbole, he said they asked him a hundred questions.  Then using some sort of hybrid of hyperbole and stupidity, he said they asked him for his grandmother’s maiden name, but he answered using her married name.  The only thing I can deduce from these facts is that he was faking access to his father’s account (which would be his father’s mother’s maiden name).

Superboy goes off on a tangent.  Now he’s pissed because everything’s a ripoff.  Drinks are $2.50 (“that’s where they get ya”).  The onion rings cost an extra dollar (“That’s a scam.  They asked me if I wanted onion rings but never said it’d be an extra dollar.”).  But like my Village Inn dessert, it wasn’t all bad (“The 10% coupon I used paid for the extra charge for onion rings”) , but at the same time, he wasn’t letting go.  He somehow changes gears and relates a story about how he had to give a 7 cent refund to a customer because they felt they were incorrectly charged tax on a dollar item and how stupid and petty it was.  He somehow fails to relate his current bitching about the dollar upcharge to this story.

Please let me out of here.